This post has absolutely nothing to do with science and is just some of my thoughts on the recent US Presidential election. I started writing up my thoughts and I realized it was easiest to organize my thoughts by things I would like to say to Anti-Trump vs Trump voters. In reality, both posts are relevant to either side, but it was a convenient way to cleanly separate my points. Since I respect everyone’s right to a private vote, I’m writing these thoughts as open letters to both sides.
Dear Trump Voters Who Love Me,
I’m scared and I cried.
I need you to understand that. This fear of Trump has not gotten better since the election. In fact, it took me until Friday November 11th at 8PM PT for the full implications of the election of President Trump to set in. I finally truly understood what this election meant to me.
I need you to know that when I fully understood what this election meant to me, I cried. Uncontrollable sobbing. It hit me while walking down the hallway towards my apartment. I held it together long enough to go inside, sit down in the dark, and sob uncontrollably by myself. I cried because I was scared. I cried because of innocence lost, both my own and my future children’s. I cried because I didn’t do enough to prevent me from crying. I cried for being naive and stupid and taking this long to truly see the world. I cried for not figuring it out in time to communicate my viewpoint with Trump voters. I cried because I was crying. I cried out of despair and frustration because I realized my future children, at a much younger age, would feel a much worse pain. I cried because I had entered the Dark Forest.
I need you to know that I will remember that cry for a long time. I cry rarely enough that I am pretty sure I can name ever event since my teenage years. This is something I won’t forget anytime soon.
And I realized, that more than anything else, I need you to understand why I cried. I need you to understand why President Donald J. Trump can never be just another politician to me. I need you to realize that you have unleashed a political weapon on me that scares the shit out of me. I need you to understand why this just became a defining point in my life. I need you to understand that I have entered the Dark Forest and what it means for me.
First what is the Dark Forest. I am stealing this from a science fiction series, the Three Body Problem. While the book focuses on interactions between alien civilizations, I think it also a useful analogy for politics today since both sides seem to be alien to each other. The Dark Forest translated to democracy is this:
Axiom 1: A voter’s goal is to survive
Axiom 2: Resources are finite
Axiom 3: Voters and politicians have limited communication
Axiom 4: Strangers have limited communication
Consequence 1, The Light Forest: The combination of axiom 1 and 2 mean that we are all hunters in a forest, competing for resources. This by itself is a perfectly fine world and democracy. Yes we are competing with each other, but since we have plenty of light, we can stay safe. We don’t need to worry that we will mistake each other for the animals we are hunting.
Consequence 2, Chains of Suspicion: The combinations of axiom 3 and 4 lead to Chains of Suspicion. The extreme distances between strangers creates an insurmountable ‘Chain of Suspicion’ where the two strangers cannot communicate fast enough to relieve mistrust, making conflict inevitable.
Consequence 3, The Dark Forest: The Chains of Suspicion cast a dark shadow over the Forest, turning it dark. In the Dark Forest, other hunters become threats. I no longer know if the noise I hear in the dark is an animal or another hunter. I also know that the other hunter has the same problem. I know that this other hunter may shoot me, either by accident, out of fear, or worse, on purpose. Therefore, I can only guarantee my safety if I shoot first and ask questions later.
I need you to realize that politicians words matter. Trump and I will never talk in person. I will never be able to truly get to know Trump. That means, that when Trump says or tweets authoritarian or racist things, I will never know his true intent. It means that Trump and I have an insurmountable Chain of Suspicion.
Looking back, Trump and I have had this Chain of Suspicion for a long time. This Chain did not directly drive me into the Dark Forest of distrust largely because of you. I love and trust you. I know that we may have political differences, but I am confident we can work them out. But you and I are not the issue. You and I are not strangers.
What drove me into the Dark Forest is that Chains of Suspicion multiply like a virus. In the Dark Forest, Trump’s words matter because they are him broadcasting his potential future actions. Maybe Trump’s threats are just a bluff. Maybe those words won’t lead to actions. But I need you to understand, there are others that scare me to my core and I am afraid that Trump has given them more power. Trump has reinforced their terrible ideas and made them seem slightly more normal.
I need you to know that Trump is not a standard politician to me. Trump successfully won election despite doing two things that I thought individually would be disqualifying in modern society:
- disregard for democracy
- explicit racism
I need you to understand that when Trump combined those two together, he crossed a line that should never be crossed in a functioning democracy. Trump crossed the safety tape separating democracy and fascism. Trump himself has NOT taken us to fascism. But I am afraid he made fascism seem just a little more mainstream to extremists.
One major reason words speak louder than actions is that there are certain words that can’t be unsaid. Trump proclaimed in a nationally televised debate that he may not accept the outcome of the election if he does not win. I need you to really think about the future consequences of that. You need to understand what those words mean to me and my insurmountable Chain of Suspicion with Trump.
Imagine this scenario that scares the shit out of me and needs to scare you too. Trump in 4 years, as the sitting President (maybe with a Republican House and Senate) says in a presidential debate that he may not accept the outcome of the election if he doesn’t win.
What am I suppose to believe if Trump wins again by a small margin like this year? Should I believe that the election was fair? Or should I worry that Trump used his power as president to ensure his own victory?
If you don’t understand this fear, and why the MERE POSSIBILITY of this fear itself should scare you too, please reconsider. Learn more about history. You need to understand the Dark Forest that I am in now. Talk to me until you understand my fear. A democracy CANNOT survive long if even a small percentage of voters fear the integrity of future votes. I have this fear. This fear leads to a Dark Forest where democracy will struggle.
This fear needs to be extinguished now because when it combines with my next issue, I am afraid it leads to an even Darker Forest were democracy is guaranteed to die. Trump has created an insurmountable racial Chain of Suspicion with me. Trump has engaged a variety of terrible racial rhetoric but there are two things that especially stick with me. The first is Trump’s attack on Judge Curiel which even Paul Ryan called “the textbook definition of a racist comment.”
I need you to know that since I have a Chain of Suspicion with Trump, I cannot avoid taking that attack personally. Trump attacked Judge Curiel for his Mexican heritage despite being born in the United States. Judge Curiel is clearly not American enough for Trump. It doesn’t matter that Tina has Chinese heritage. I need you to know that I see an attack on one minority as an attack on all. I need you to know that I see it as an attack against Tina and our future kids. Will they be American enough for Trump? I just don’t know.
But I really need you to the final realization that made me break down crying and pushed me deep into the Dark Forest. I had managed to forget about Trump’s strange relationship with David Duke (KKK member), see here for details. Trump’s refusal to disavow David Duke in 2016 despite doing so in 2000 scares me. I realized I truly don’t understand Trump.
What drove me to tears was that I realized, even if Trump made an innocent mistake, the damage is done. Trump broadcast a message to David Duke and other racists that can never be unsaid. Trump (unintentionally or intentionally) screamed to them: I can win the presidency despite authoritarian and racist rhetoric. It is not Trump I am scared of. It is the dark hunters he just empowered. I had no illusions that racial extremists did not exist, but now, due to Chains of Suspicion, I am no longer optimistic that their numbers are small.
I need you to realize that this is when I personally entered the Dark Forest. I was walking back from my car to the apartment when I walked past a large group of white men. I unconsciously started doing some math, trying to calculate what are the odds that they voted for Trump and specifically voted for Trump because of his racial rhetoric. Before I could finish the math, I realized I was deciding if I was safe around them and started tearing up. This is when I cried uncontrollably. This is when I realized that I had been naive and living in a false world. I thought I was realistic and understood the darkness that existed in the world. But I was living in a Light Forest that was only a product of many factors including but not limited to me being: male, white, upper middle class, well-educated, etc. I truly saw the Dark Forest.
I cried because I got the tiniest possible sliver of understanding of what it truly means to be a minority and I couldn’t handle the truth. As a minority, they live in the Dark Forest. They have heard and felt the racism. They know that not everyone can be trusted. They know that people can attack them when least expected and they must be suspicious. But I cried because its worse: minorities live in the Dark Forest but have a permanent spotlight on them. They are emitting light into this darkness. They don’t blend in. They always stand out in this vast darkness. That means they are always a target for those that hunt minorities.
I cried because I realized that I live in a Dark Forest and that Tina and our future children will always have a spotlight on them. I cried because the tiny glimpse of the darkness scared me. I cried because I realized that my future children will learn the nature of the Dark Forest at an age that is much too young. I cried because I know the Dark Forest my children will live in is worse than the one I am in. I cried because I am scared of hunters like David Duke. I cried because President Trump doesn’t seem to understand that his words empower these hunters. I cried because I was too stupid to put this all into words sooner. I cried because I don’t know how to protect Tina and our future children. I cried because my natural response to that helplessness was to lash out at others in the same way they want to attack Tina. And I had one final burst of tears when I realized the deep irony that David Duke had just made me into an inverse of himself and made me racist against random white people. I laughed, probably like a maniac, because I realized that after that, I am so far lost in the Dark Forest of distrust that I had managed to become the type of hunter that probably scares David Duke the most.
But most of all, I need you to understand that I love you and look forward to working with you to end the Dark Forest of distrust. I am sorry for not communicating better with you. I don’t know why you voted for Trump. Maybe you are already in the Dark Forest of distrust. Maybe you hated Hillary and had an insurmountable Chain of Suspicion with her. Maybe you thought Trump was a standard Republican candidate.
I know you didn’t mean to scare me. But I need you to realize that Trump is not a standard candidate to me. I need you to realize that I can never personally trust Trump based on the words he has said. I need you to realize that I am especially scared of Trump and the people he might either intentionally or accidentally empower.
And I especially need you to realize that what I am actually more scared about is the fact that I am scared. The part of me that remembers the Light Forest thinks the fear is irrational. But the part of me that has seen the Dark Forest of distrust thinks the fear is rational and maybe that I am not scared enough. I see how the Chains of Distrust multiply. If even a few people share my distrust, it must be extinguished now before it grows too strong.
We have to break taboos. We need to talk about politics. We need to establish ground rules for the type of political discourse and political tactics that are allowed in America. We need to talk about race and discrimination. The only way to turn the Dark Forest into the Light Forest is to break Chains of Suspicion by better communication. We can’t wait four years to discuss these issues. We had a deep divide in this country before the election and Trump made the divide wider. We can only heal this distrust if we start soon.
And finally, I want you to know that I have made peace with this election. I want to sincerely thank you for voting for President Trump. I can now see the world clearer than before. My naivety was dangerous to Tina and our future children. I was complacent. I assumed my children would grow up in a Light Forest. I now realize that they cannot. But I will fight to make the Dark Forest just a little bit brighter. I will fight to extend the time that my children think they are only in a Light Forest. And I now realize the true depths of the Dark Forest, and that I can only fight it with you help. I look forward to working with you to bring Light to the Dark Forest.
With all the love in my heart,
PS. This is not the world’s weirdest baby announcement. These children I discuss are still in the future. But I still cried for the hypothetical children.
PSS. Dave Chappelle and SNL are very wise. I admit thinking I was more realistic about the US than the people in the skit, but I was just in a slightly different bubble than they were.